GM going down the drain

ok. so it's official. i'm not getting the job i interviewed for exactly 2 weeks ago. honestly speaking, i AM disappointed, not because i'm too arrogant to think that i'll definitely bag the job, but just because of the fact that i pulled strings, and they were desperate for ppl and even all that didn't land me the deal. it's ok i guess, but honestly i needed the pay they're offering. with that i could afford something that's very significant to me.... but let's not get into that ball of mess in my life.

i'm still feeling the aftermath of physical endurance upon returning from my company's trip last weekend. can't imagine that we can get old so fast.. just did a bit of running around, tele-match games, 45 minutes' of swimming, lack of sleep, strenous amount of sight-seeing under the sun and this is how much i'm worn out. i felt really feverish and sick the next day n went for the clinic that night. the damn doctor didn't even offer me any MC so i had to 'crawl' back to my house and back to office the next day coz my dignity doesn't allow me to ask for an MC due to a previous incident at another clinic. so i'm still going to work every single day without fail and seems like i made the right choice coz there are tonnes of work waiting for me. and if i don't turn up, nobody's gonna follow them up for me during my absence anyway......................... shrugs....................... i'm not gonna say i hate this job coz nearly 80% of ppl have that in mind so it doesn't make me any significant anyway.

had a not-so-nice phone conversation with my bf... i really begin to feel tired coz eventhough every single time i share with him how i feel, what makes me happy and what doesn't, end of the day nothing changes........................... when i'm sick he wasn't available, he said he forgot to switch on his phone..... though i don't feel happy about it but ( i just realised that when i press on keys 'b' 'u' and 't' at the same time my laptop beeps... what's all that about?) i can't blame him.. we argued over it and he really hurt my feelings by hurling and sms-ing me some heated words... to imgaine i'm still in the weakest moment being sick n all.. he still did that to me... after all that it's been 4th day now and i'm still not recovering, he never shows up to visit me, never sms me during his work break, but has time to have fun with his workmates after work. how can i not feel sad??

i always believed in the fact that 'everything always comes from the heart'. if you have the heart you can find courage, effort, time and everything in the world to do something, if only you have the heart . but he never let me feel he has the heart to show his concern about me, even when i'm sick... everything is just normal to him.... am i wrong to expect him more love and care and attention when i'm sick? after the fact that he couldn't even be there when i needed someone to accompany me to the doctor's? i really don't get it... it's been nearly 100 times since i told him what i wanted... just a simple short sms asking me how i am, how i'm coping, am i feeling better... makes all the difference... but why can't he even have the heart to do so? however hard you work, however long hours you needed to attend meetings, don't you have breaks? don't you eat lunch?? how about the times when you go and have fun after working hours? what do you call that then? more occupied time?

i'm really tired... mentally and physically.... it's like a cycle that never ends..... i'm just disappointed.