It's ironic.. why have I come here when I'm so gloomy and down.. this is my blog, my personal blog.. could it be that this is the place where I feel most secure? that I won't be hurt by anything, anyone at all?
Maybe... just maybe...
I'm listening to Halo right now.. and somehow it eases my emotions a bit.. i feel moved whenever I listen to it.. as if it gives me strength everytime I listen to it... thanks dear for giving me this song.. even when you didn't intentionally gave it to me and that there's no particular meaning, but it kinda reached me at the right time
I don't understand why it's always dejavu all over whenever we touch about sensitive topics but topics which are important in its own right...
We have always been far apart, ever since Day 1 we were together.. but why do I feel stronger and stronger, that we are drifting apart, no longer physically, but emotionally?
Sometimes, I secretly wish you'd sweep me off the floor with something out of the blue, and make me melt in your arms, breakdown in tears, and the tears are of joy and not of sadness... not of the ones I am shedding right now, right at this very moment....
But I also know so well that the possibility of realizing it is near to impossible, and what I longed for will remain as my wishful thinking.. I'm disappointed, torn....
Geminians like surprises, new things, new excitement... but it doesn't mean that I'll forever be unhappy if you don't give me new excitement everyday.. but it's how far you'd go and what you'd do for me to make me feel important that matters... be it a small gesture, a small compliment, a touch, a kiss, a hug..... I''ve come to realize that I'm a very touchy person... but sadly you're not........ it's not your fault... it's just our differences...
I'm not sure why I wrote all these or what I'm trying to express.. or what I want out of this, they're just the very true emotions I'm feeling right now, right at this moment.....
I'm extremely heart-broken........ and terrified that I asked myself a question that I can't even bear to repeat
"Have I made the right decision?"
I really hope it's just a glimpse of insignificance thought and when tomorrow comes, all these doubts and insecurities would have disappeared..... gone with the wind.....
Whoever's reading this and those who know me... please pray for me... that I will have strength to continue on this journey that I long to find happiness in
And I thank you - my dear, my gal pals and sis who have touched me in your thoughtfulness tonight
