NOT a Walk In The Park

My new job really isn't a walk in the park, more like a pressure pot. I guess I'm not too sure if I've made the right choice afterall. But one thing I'm sure of is, I WILL live up and stand by to my decision and play it the way the environment wants me to. Of course, I'm still the same 'ol me, grabbing hard to my principles in life such as being ethical, professional as well as not being one of those people who will step on others to go on top; stroking manager or upper level's ego just so they look good in front of them, the list goes on.

I've had my fair share of downs especially in the early days in my job. The training and strong feeling of being out of place and unwelcomed into the team made me sad. Hurtful comments being thrown at me point blank made me depressed until I cried my heart out the minute I reached home and locked my room door. It was intense. I seeked my God Sis' comfort; as well as my best pal who's currently working in an even more stressed environment just upstairs from where I sit; and even an old friend from my previous temporary job tried to pull me together. My ex-lecturer, also a 9-year long employee in my company helped me to shed off the unnecessary worries, depression and advised me to ignore those who try their best to bring me down, to de-motivate me in any way. These are the people who sincerely hope for my success; and wish for a positive outlook in my career. Many heartful gratitude for them, as it was not for them, I have even thought of giving up, and felt I didn't belong in this company, in this job.

Now my second hurdle is my manager's negative feedback towards my progress - whether or not it is intentionally political for him as a manager to push me forward or not, now I found that I have gained strength to pull my act together and deliver to his expectations, and I know I Will, eventually surpass his expectations. Of course I'm playing to his cards but it's something that is mutually beneficial - I get what I want - a well lit career path; and he gets what he wants, i.e. a teamplayer who will reflect well on HIS OWN performance.

I do admit that I was really un-organised - too many e-mail communications, too many notifications, too many roles to play, too many procedures, too many politics, too many things to absorb - and unfortunately, with too little time.

Finally today, I've mapped out what I'm going to do about all of the above and my company laptop just hanged while I was in the middle of doing something at point where I should have stopped to take a break - and it was most welcomed as I just forced the system to shut down and here I am, updating my blog - doing something that I enjoy; that will at least give my mind a rest.

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I really hope I can make it. I really do. Please give me strength for me to help myself.